When I Forget Who I Am....He Is....

Gentle as rain and powerful as the wind...That’s who He is. He’s a soft place to land and yet The Rock in which we stand. He’s peaceful like the water trickling over the stones in the creek bed. But he’s fierce and Brave like the Grizzly bear roaming the same woods. He’s tender mercies and raging storms. And yet He’s the calm after every storm...

When I forget who I am....When I fail to be His....He reminds me of who He is...When I can’t get it right He proves me wrong. Holds me up, tells me I’m the daughter of The King and to stop tripping over my crown.

I gather up my failures and lay them at His feet because only He can turn them into little jewels of wisdom. He tells me what I’ve known all along...Sometimes he starts out gentle like the rain, but when I’m being stubborn like a rebellious child He comes raging in like the Grizzly. He’s the definition of unconditional love. He shows parents what loving a child is really like......In the praiseful moments and in the disobedient ones.

He tells every star to shine. Every flower to bloom. Every bee to buzz......But He gives us the choice to LOVE....Because LOVE is not love if your made to.....He wants you to Love because you choose to. And can you just imagine if we all chose to love? Not just in the easy moments....But in the very hard ones.  The ones that make you doubt if you really can. Love when no one else will. Love the cold stone hearts. The dirty faces. The ones on the streets. The unforgivable. The rebellious. Just choose to LOVE.

I don’t deserve this tattered crown place upon my head. My actions are not always equivalent to it’s meaning and yet again He takes this crown time after time....shines it up, places those jewels of wisdom where they need to be and places it upon my head again and again. He. Is. Love. And I am ever so thankful......More than I can ever put into words. And so I adjust my crown and I choose TO LOVE......And in choosing so I become repentfull, obedient, and FORGIVEN.  I. AM. A. CHILD. OF. GOD.

Just Begin Again

Little brown eyed girl wakes up all smiles and I love yous.......There is not a day that goes by that she hasn’t hugged me several times and told me she loves me. And even in the busy moments I must pause and recognize this little fire cracker all wound up for spontaneous cart wheels. Just so that she can release the love she has all built up inside her before she explodes....

Life isn’t about getting things done. Life is about living in the moment. Seeing what’s right before you. It’s easy to get lost. You wouldn’t think it would be. You never think you’re going to get stuck in a rut....All wrapped up in a funk.  Until you find yourself in a hole you dug all on your own. We all get caught up in lists and demands. And some how priorities get confused. And all around you are piles of confusion, frustration, chaos, and feelings of failure. Sound familiar?

Friend calls the other day....Tells me “It’s good to hear your voice” Asks me “How’s life?” I laugh tell her I’m doing fine. But as she talks she seems to know there’s more to my ‘I’m just fine’....I tell her I’m stuck in rut....all wrapped up in a funk. And I have piles unwanted chaos lying in corners that I don’t even know where to begin to start.....

I know in my heart where to begin.....And she speaks the words that He already spoke. Where are you child?  And sometimes you have to hear someone else say what you already know. Sometimes you need an outside nudge. “ What are you reading” she asks....”What are you studying?”

I’ve seen 48 years of life walk in and out of open doors. Watched people live their life and make their choices. I’ve laughed and cried. Hugged what hurt and hurt what I shouldn’t have......I’ve made friends and lost them.....I’ve made bad choices and learned from them. My moments are a wide range of Lost and grace to Love and Triumph.  What I know is that although living this life is full....The only way to really be satisfied is to be fed.......His Words they comfort me in times I can’t barely move. Times I’m stuck and don’t know where to begin......He throws the life line...You just got to be willing to grab hold.

“If I’m to be honest .....Nothing. I haven’t been in a book study.....I haven’t read anything that would fuel my embarrassing little excuse for a light.” I haven’t even opened up His word........

She gives me grace....Tells me to just start. Start a book. Start with one verse. Start with one little task until it’s done. Then move on.

Don’t we all know, to just start somewhere? And so I begin again. I hung up the phone.....Opened His Life giving, begin again Word and just started......

Can I tell you I started on a pile and accomplished something. I accomplished being a loving wife. I accomplished being my kids Mama.  I accomplished being a friend. I accomplished homemade bread and a pile of laundry. I looked around at all the faces in my life that day and felt Joy.....Over Joyed that we don’t have to stay stuck. And Thankful for dear friends that just call out of the blue because my name came to mind......

You’re Never Too Broken

Gentle tugs.... Words that pull. Going through my life like it’s routine.  Are we meant to be stuck in the mundane? Are we so caught up in getting things done that we miss what we are called for? God has a way of showing up in all the off guard moments. Catching you unprepared......Knowing you knew all along, you were aware that something or someone needed your attention. But some how we think it’s easier to push the need aside. Afraid to rush in and offer a hand, a heart, an ear...Maybe someone else will rush in and help. Maybe if we ignore it, it will disappear.

Things don’t just disappear, they get buried.....And the further they are buried the more the pain grows. The more you miss the blessing. The more you stay stuck. The more the broken break apart. Hurt leads to anger. Anger leads to pain. Pain leads to illness. Illness leads to death. The death begins spiritually.

I hope for my eyes to stay open. I long for my heart to always feel empathy......Compassion is helpful, but oh to feel what others are actually going through. To feel their pain, their hurt and to have the brokenness actually move you into their lives when they need someone the most. I don’t ever want to miss that call. I don’t ever want to pass the blessing because I am stuck in my self made every day mundane routine.

Whatever you do do it with Joy as you are serving the Lord........

When the brokenness of this life cuts deep and you’re not willing to be what they need.....Then why am I here? Why are we here? A Mama’s prayer became so powerful. A phone call to let me know That miracles do happen and  fervent  prayers get answered. And sometimes when I fall short, God swoops in and picks up the broken shards that I seemed to have missed. It’s moments like this that God opens my eyes and makes me aware of how I have fallen short......And I am called to be present, aware, and to use my gift of empathy as a tool to serve.

It’s moments like this.....the ones that remind you of your very own brokenness.....your very own shattered glass. When He swooped down and picked up every last one of my broken pieces and made my life into a beautiful reminder of His unfailing Love. It’s looking back at all the moments He stepped in and placed an angel in my path. For there were definitely roads that should of led to a spiritual and physical death for me......

It’s those memories of a broken girl who went looking for acceptance in all the wrong places that leads me to love on the very girls I’m called to teach on Sunday....It’s what drives me.....And I’m thankful God rushes in and reminds me of why I am here....Thankful for a Mama’s heart who was willing to confide in me. Willing to share her story. There is always hope! There is no one that is ever too shattered that God can’t use in His beautiful mosaic! I’ve seen the miracles happen time and time again....I’m one of them.