Mama comes walking in dressed in her Sunday best, I hug her neck and she smiles that smile I’ve known all my life.....The one that made me feel at peace....She asks “do I look all right?” I mean I don’t look frumpy do I?” No Mama, frumpy has never described you.....I asked her who told her she looked the way she described. “I did” she replied. I told her to stop listening to herself if she we’re going to talk that way. I think you look beautiful! She laughs and walks into church.
Life should be so simple....But in reality, it can be gut wrenching hard. I have so many unanswered questions. So many unspoken words. And when words just fall on a blank space with out any purpose, without any action to support them, then that’s all they really are, mere words falling void.
And the times we have been brought to a place when reality hits the dirt and we are scraping the bottom to find our worth. Digging out the broken pieces of this life. Pulling the shards from the cold hard ground buried by those who have no idea how much we hurt. We need to remember to stop listening to ourselves....Stop listening to the ones who refuse to see our worth...Who refuse to see their own worth. Because unless we are speaking truth then we shouldn’t be speaking at all. Just as words can fall null and void they can build up or tear down. It’s a choice we have to make.
Mama had a broken life growing up. Words were often used to hurt. Thrown at her from those that should of been building her up. And the quiet words that went unspoken...the ones she needed to hear? They were locked up inside the one that was fighting a battle all of her own. You see, Grandma listened to her own hateful words and the words of those that had no idea how much she was hurting. She began to believe the description she had made for herself....Losing the battle and losing out on the life that she could of had with her children...
Mama? Well she she still fights small battles every now and then, (Don’t we all?) but she became victorious over the hard soul crushing moments that had begun to bury her heart piece by piece so many years ago. She became victorious through her Savior who spoke words of healing. Told her she was worth so much more than the empty spaces left null and void. She is worth more than the words that were tearing her down. In fact to Him she is a precious jewel and no matter how much dirt she became buried under He was the one that dug her out and made her shine.
My Mama loves to make people smile. Loves to hear you laugh. Laughter is what saved my mom as a child. Laughter is how she lets go of the hurt. So if you see her and she has greeted you with a pun or some small joke, it’s because she knows what it’s like to be buried by the hurt and pain of this life and she wants you to know it’s the smile that keeps you going. It’s the laughter that will help ease the pain. but most importantly she will tell you that you are worth more than the words that wound. You are worth more than the broken shards that others have thrown at you.
I’m proud to say I am her daughter. Proud to have been raised with kind words, soft hands and a warm smile. Proud that she became victorious through Christ.
So often we judge and don’t understand. We say hurtful words and speak when we should be listening. The cover of a book is just the cover......the pages are what tell the story. And as I sit here I can’t help but think that we should all be more mindful and smile at those that pass us by....You have no idea the story that is written on their pages....You may even be blessed to have a few pages written in their book....With words that heal and not hurt and the warm smile that started it all.....
Always keep the laughter in your heart. I love you Mama.....
