When I look back and I remember little hearts just wanting to be with their Mama. Just wanting to please and be all caught up in the moment.....and me, all caught up in what really never mattered. I've schooled and hugged and disciplined. I've laughed, cried and felt fear grip my soul like nothing else has......Until I remembered the soul keeper. I've worried about what was out of my control. I've tried to take control of those little souls and mold them into what I thought they should be. But it doesn't matter what I think.....What matters most is not the handwriting, the math, the science labs. It's not trying to finish curriculum to the very last page.What matters most is their heart..... What matters most, is that I'm present.
There are moments when I exploded my hot messy self all over a situation that really was only meant for a sit down, face to face. A hug, a "What's going on?" And "Is there something that's bothering you?" I've learned to not unload all of my selfish expectations on the ones that were created for so much more than what my tiny mind could conceive.
He has plans. He guides their paths. And me, trying to grab the reigns and run in the opposite direction. Me, thinking I had all the answers to make the not so perfect child into a productive adult. Sometimes we just need to be still, take a step back and look at the whole picture. Usually the real reason for why things happen presents itself when we make ourselves calmly present. Instead of exploding out of control. I just need to show them Jesus...….
I'm a homeschool Mama just trying to teach my kids. but in all reality they have really been teaching me. They've taught me some of the most important lessons in life. Ones that are irreplaceable.
I've learned that it's ok to say NO to anything EXTRA that takes you away from your first calling. And saying YES to the souls under our roof is first and foremost. But serving together as a family in and outside the home is all together a growing experience.
I've learned that worry just takes up valuable space. It never helped keep anyone safe, but prayer does. I've learned that exploding in anger never fixes anything. It only pushes them away and shuts them down. I've learned to be real and admit when I'm wrong. Messing up is a part of life and you can't go on living like you're exempt from saying I'm sorry.
I've learned that what they really want is to feel safe.....No matter what age. Safe to speak their heart. Safe to be real. Safe to feel comfortable at home no matter how weird, loud or silly they want to be. Safe to tell secrets.....and know those secrets will never fall into anyone else's ears.
I've learned that this Mama journey is so much more than just being a stay at home mom. So much more than wiping noses and checking homework. It's a heart check for you and I dear Mama.....It's an in the trenches, bathed in prayer, rising up for the moment that God calls us to. To help, lead guide, direct in a manner that helps them grow but never shuts them down and crushes their soul and breaks their heart. If we, dear Mama are the ones that are supposed to make them feel safe....Then you and I need to learn to be still.
You and I need to show them Jesus...….
This Mama thing never ends.....I've watched my little man get married and now expecting a precious one of their own....I've watched my Sunshine leave the nest and Marry...And I can't wait to see them shine as they take on this life. I've graduated my butterfly and here we are watching her spread her beautiful wings. I have 3 left to go.....
Will they mess up? They sure will! Just like you and I. But ya know what? isn't that how we all learn and grow?
They all know I will always be here. Unconditionally with out a doubt to help soften the blows of this life. And all the years of worrying if I was messing up their life?...….Now I sit back and watch them live for Christ.....Guess what? The science labs never really mattered...….
I've learned to enjoy watching them do life...Even when it's hard. They still come back home to Mama.....To that safe place....Where they can just be for a while......Where they know they can tell their secrets, their fears and worries. Back to a place where they know they will always be prayed for and loved on.
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